The Price of Love
by MercedesBlakeney
Summary: "Is it possible to be in love with the person who broke your heart?" Non-dialogue oneshot based on the sacrifices one must make for love. HarryxOC/OCxNeville


**This little oneshot just hit me like a ton of bricks and, before I knew it, I had already typed it up and it was ready to be posted on FF. Enjoy!**

**Disclaimer: I own absolutely nothing that you recognize. Not familiar to you? Then it's mine :)**

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><p>~In the end, all you can hope for is the love you've felt to equal the pain you've endured.~<p>

Is it possible to be in love with the person who broke your heart?

Some will say it isn't. After all, how could one possibly love someone who has caused them so much pain? Why would one want to put himself through so much misery? They will say that it's impossible. I suppose they are technically correct since the question is subjective, there is no right or wrong, black or white. This question deals with matters of the heart. It deals with the wonder of love and the reality of pain, and no two people experience love or pain the exact same way.

But I, Serenity Cytherea Just, have to disagree.

Enter Harry James Potter. He's my best friend and center of my universe, the one to whom my heart is given. He means everything to me, but he doesn't know it.

Ok, that's sort of a lie. He's _heard_ it before, but he doesn't _know _it. There's a big difference.

I've known him for 7 years. We met on the Hogwarts Express and he, Ron, Hermione, and I soon became best friends. We've always been close throughout everything since day one. Snape's classes, Quidditch games, and the fight against Voldemort. We have inside jokes and the same sense of humor. One might not think it, but Harry actually has a dirty mind. He is so naughty sometimes, but then again, so am I. We are compatible for each other in every way, shape, and form. When we hug, we fit together like two puzzle pieces. We just work.

So why am I the only one who sees it?

I suppose he sees it, too, but only as friends. That's all I'll ever be to him. Friends. It breaks my heart, but at least I have something onto which I can hold. He's one of my best friends and I wouldn't trade that for anything. I've never been one to promote a love relationship from friendship. It's always weirded me out, but that's probably the reason I don't have a boyfriend. When you think long and hard about it, the progression of friends to lovers is quite natural.

A human relationship will most likely start with affection. As long as the two in the relationship are familiar, one is able to feel affection for anyone, even people like Moaning Myrtle, Colin Creevey, and dare I say it, Professor Snape. It arises from the "old" familiarities we see from someone. One can appreciate the familiarity of Moaning Myrtle's presence, Colin's eagerness to please Harry, and Professor Snape's dungeon bat-ish ways. In fact, one appreciates the particular aspects of that person so much that, if that person was to change, one would be most perturbed by it. Imagine Professor Snape skipping down the hall in anything other than his black teaching robes… Yeah, no, that's not going to work.

Anyway, friendship and companionship can come from affection if there are common interests and beliefs in the same truths. Sure, one could have felt affection or even pity for the Boy-Who-Lived, but if you hate Quidditch, are a Death Eater, or come from Slytherin House, you are most likely not going to be friends with him.

It is very easy for erotic love to develop from friendship. Actually, the erotic love thrives off of the friendship which has already been established. That's why a happily married person will say he is married to his best friend.

Harry and I are friends. We stand side-by-side, whereas lovers face each other. I love being his friend and the support we give each other, but sometimes I'd like to be facing him.

We love each other. We acknowledge the love we have but rarely speak of it. Friends simply do not dwell on the love they have for each other. It is the fuel to the relationship, the very matrix of it, but discussion of it is something reserved for lovers.

Yes, I love him and he loves me, but is that enough?

Apparently not, because I am also in love with him. Eros is the state of being in love with someone. It does not desire the sexual actions of love, but craves the lover himself. I could care less if we got it on. Ok, I certainly wouldn't mind, but I just like being with him. Sitting in silence, laughing at jokes, or toiling through homework, it doesn't matter. I enjoy his presence and, inversely, painfully feel his absences.

One should be willing to sacrifice himself for the ones he loves. Harry would do that not only for me, but for everyone he loves. And it's not even just people he loves; Harry is willing to die fighting for his cause in order to save the world and it's inhabitants whether they be from the wizarding or the muggle world.

Some say it's just because he has a hero complex, but they don't really know him. He doesn't do it for the fame or glory. In fact, he hates his lifestyle and wishes a different path had been chosen for him. But he knows there's nothing he can do about it, so he accepts it. He doesn't complain or wish his worries on other people. He takes it and suffers quietly, knowing he is not alone. He does not try to be a hero, he just tries to do what is objectively the right.

So when I know Harry gives everything for what he believes is the right thing, how could I possibly blame him for doing what seems to me to be wrong thing?

We don't choose who we love. I get that. It's a shame really that we don't get to choose, but I suppose that's all part of the mystery and wonder of love. It is unpredictable. I didn't choose to fall in love with Harry. It just sort of happened. So I don't blame him for falling in love with Ginny. He didn't choose it either. Even if he really knew how I felt, I wouldn't be mad at him. I couldn't be mad at him. I understand what it's like to have someone fall for you that you don't have the same feelings for.

Neville Longbottom made it very clear to me when we were Third Years that he fancied me. It was sweet and I valued him as a friend, a good one at that. But I didn't feel the same way he did for me. But that didn't stop him from trying. He asked me to the Yule Ball, partnered with me for Potions and Herbology class, stuck to me during Hogsmeade visits, and volunteered to buddy up with me when we joined Dumbledore's army. One time when I was in the Hospital Wing, he visited me in between every class and brought my favorite flowers. I didn't find it annoying and I never got mad at him for it. I just wish I had been able to return the love he gave me. I wonder if I could've done more to reciprocate his sentiments.

But I'll never know. He passed away a month ago from a freak accident in the greenhouse. He loved spending time there and Professor Sprout gave him unlimited access. He was alone and somehow a pot with a mandrake in it managed to fall off the shelf. The sound killed him instantly.

I didn't take the news well at all.

Earlier that day, Neville told me he wanted to talk to me. I figured I knew he wanted to talk about "us", so when he asked me if I wanted to go to the greenhouse with him I politely declined. Hermione and I sat up deciding what I should do about the situation, finally settling on the idea that I should just tell him how I felt. I waited for him in the common room until midnight. I figured he lost track of time or fell asleep, and I went to bed.

The next morning I went to breakfast with the express intention of talking to him then. But when I got there, he hadn't showed up. Harry and Ron told me he didn't made it back to the common room. By then I was slightly worried, but figured he'd show up for Potions, lest he get another detention from the Dungeon Bat.

He never came.

I don't remember much of what happened the rest of that day. Professor Snape asked to see me in private. He told me to report to Professor McGonagall immediately. I remember being confused at his behavior. He was actually nice and seemed sympathetic. I could never have foreseen what Professor McGonagall told me. All I remember was the room spinning and, then, blackness.

When I woke up, I was in the Hospital Wing. As soon as I remembered what happened I broke down. Madam Pomfrey gave me some calming draught but that didn't make the pain go away. I felt so damn guilty. If I had just gone to the greenhouse with him maybe he would still be alive. I should've been there with him. When Harry came to visit me, I was a right mess. I told him I thought it was my fault, but he was quick to try and dispel the thought from my head. He brought up the point that if I had gone with Neville then I'd probably be dead, too. But at the time I felt that I'd rather be dead than live with the guilt I was experiencing. Harry didn't try to tell me what I was feeling was unnatural or that I was overracting. He just held me in his arms as I cried my heart out. It was what I needed, because I eventually cried myself to sleep.

I just hope Neville knew how much I loved him, even if I wasn't in love with him. I know what it's like to be loved by someone and not be able to love him back. So in that knowledge, I could never blame Harry for not being in love with me. I don't even know if I'll be in love with him for the rest of my life. I might meet another fine wizard, and we might fall in love with each other. But I do know that I'll love Harry until the end of time.

Some people wouldn't be content with that. They'd feel that the same sentiments must be experienced by both parties to make love worthwhile. But for me it's enough that he'll always be there as a friend. I'd much rather have him as a best friend for life than a temporary lover. I'll always love him and he'll always love me. The ache I feel in my heart is just the sacrifice I must make, and I've found that his love more than compensates for the pain. Love soothes the wounded heart.

So, is it really possible to be in love with the person who broke your heart?

Some _say_ it isn't, but I _know_ it is.

It is simply the price of love.

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><p><strong>Reviews are love. <strong>


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